FAITH-FILLED LIVING | SWEET TREASURES | SIMPLE PLEASURES

Jul 24, 2007

20/20

I grew up with 20/20 vision. The term meant nothing to me. I simply understood the eye-chart lady’s smiling nod at the end of my annual grade school eye test. I had two best friends who wore glasses and they showed no enthusiasm. So, with all the potential for teasing on the playground, at least this was one area that I had immunity.

Fast forward to my mid forties. I’m reading the expiration dates on neatly clipped coupons. Overnight, the size of the expiration font has been downsized! “They’re trying to rip us off,” I tell my teenage daughter. A conspiracy, I thought! Surely, this is meant to catch the unsuspecting!

I see myself cheerfully approaching the register with a cart so full it looks like I shopped with a trash compactor! Pleased with my organizational skills, I present my coupons, halfway expecting a nod of approval. Instead, the checker utters vociferous disqualifications! “Expired! Obsolete. Over!” she snarls. “Use them for collage or papier-mâché, but they’re no good here!”


The security camera moves to a close-up of my face, magnifying the flush of capillaries. An over anxious guard is ready to pounce. My brain waves crash on the shores of my emotions. I grapple. Do I give in and pay full price? Or do I glare at my cart and release the liberating scream, “I WILL NOT BE MANIPULATED!”


“Mom.” The camera pans away from the checkout counter. Scene change. I am now aware of my living room. My daughter reaches for the coupons and begins to read each expiration date without a glitch. For a moment, I’m silent. “Give me those,” I say as I attempt to make my eyes cooperate. The print is still too small.

Now, with reading glasses perched on the end of my nose– I deal with new irritants.
  • I've lost several pairs of glasses by tucking them on my shirt collar or parking them on my head, proving that bending over can be hazardous to one's wealth! (I just found one pair in a pile of laundry.)
  • My granny chain secretly lifts off pierced earrings– often without retrieval.
  • Lens cleaning is never ending.
  • Pouring boiling water while wearing glasses is counterproductive.
  • Once, I awoke with a swollen schnoz due to falling asleep while reading.
  • My specs have been slept on and stepped on.
  • I have owned several pairs at one time and misplaced them all!
  • I've searched frantically for spectacles that are literally stored under my nose: hanging on my shirt collar. (This storage method is not compatible with hugs.)
  • Don't leave home without them... I have tried standing on tiptoe to gain distance from text or making a public plea to borrow those of a stranger.
Suddenly.....20/20 means something.

2 comments:

Julie Marie said...

Has this happened: Having your doggie chew the plastic sleeves off the tips of your glasses so often the lady at the glasses shop scowls at you the minute you walk in? I actually wear them in their chewed up state for a while because I dread going in to have them fixed.

Julie

KJ said...

No, I think this is one thing that I have successfully avoided— probably because I don’t have pets! This is too funny! Perhaps you dog just needs it’s own pair...

Thanks for the smile,
kj